A FRESH START

For many years of my life, I viewed the New Year with awe and a sense of wanderlust. As the embodiment of a Type-A personality, I dedicated the beginning of each day, week, month, and year to meticulously planning ways to improve my life. I was aware of how it might seem to others—silly, perhaps—to harbor so much hope that a fresh start could somehow wipe away all the dirt and grime of the past. I allowed people to mock the notion that resolutions could be sustained for more than a few weeks, yet I made them anyway, tucked into the back of even my most private journal.

This year, for the first time in my life, I did not make any concrete New Year resolutions. Ironically enough, it seems like now would be the time to start: a time when I have full autonomy over my actions and could truly change anything in my life I felt dissatisfied with. Luckily for me, I do not have a lot to be dissatisfied with. Sitting on a long bus ride from Essaouira to Casablanca, I idly typed out words on my notes app about all the things I would change about my life in 2024. I would write every day. I would work out five days a week and be able to do more pull-ups than anyone would believe looking at me. I would just stick with a major. I would spend more time outside, eat more vegetables, and be less loud. New year, new me.

Since returning home, I have not revisited that list once. As I wrote it, I felt futility pouring from my fingers. It’s not that I couldn’t keep my resolutions; rather, I simply didn’t want to. I don’t want to undergo changes every year in the hope that, one day, I’ll wake up thinking I’ve cracked the secret code to fulfillment. I’ve spent too many January 1sts appreciating the new year and too few Tuesdays appreciating the new day.

January 1, 2024, was the paramount example of a fresh start. It marked the first day of a new year, a new month, a new week, and a new day. Nevertheless, this year, I had no desire for change. In fact, I wanted everything to stay exactly the same. The next day, my brother and sister-in-law would return to their busy lives, my dad would go back to work, and my dog would undergo surgery. At midnight on January 1st, I wanted nothing more than to sit in a warmly lit restaurant and watch complete strangers hug each other. The next morning, I reveled in the packed parking lot at the gym instead of scorning it. Rather than curating ways to change my life, I observed the slight, nearly unnoticeable ways that those around me were working to change theirs.

Whether you view the New Year as a fresh start or just another day on the calendar, I admire you. You notice how, with each passing year, time seems to move a bit faster. It can be anxiety-provoking, but it is also an important reminder to slow down and appreciate the things we have in life and the ways they evolve over time, like flowers budding, blooming, and wilting. In 2024, I resolve to pay more attention. Already, I note a difference in the way a home-cooked meal comforts me more than any takeout can. I notice the subjects I am excited to learn about and those I leave until the last minute. I see who is there for me when I need it most, and I keep lists of these people so I remember to never take them for granted.

Sometimes, a fresh start is nice to remind me that I am young and that I have time. With time, every open wound heals. My life is not perfect, and I am not sure that 2024 will “be my year,” but I am sure that I will come out of it stronger and more sure of myself. When I reflect on the past twelve months, I am proud of myself for setting boundaries, celebrating my wins, disconnecting and reconnecting, stepping outside my comfort zone, and, above all, getting out of bed to start fresh each day.

“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again” -Buddha

Happy New Year