INSECURITIES

Take a deep breath. We are about to get deep here.

Insecurities: let’s talk about them. Whether you make them known or not, whether you even know them yourself, insecurities are something we all deal with to varying extents. They stem from the way we view ourselves, and while many tend to think of insecurities as purely a form of discontent with physical appearance, I have learned that these pockets of self-doubt have a much wider range than what is on the surface.

Recently, I have been reflecting on my own insecurities and how they have changed over the years. Some, have remained constant, always pestering me like an annoying mosquito trapped inside my bedroom on warm summer nights. Others, have come and gone… and come again. Some will take years to grind down, to finally let go and allow myself to be totally limitless. Others simply take a kind word from a trusted loved one to change my perception. It is all insecurity, just to varying degrees.

The problem with uncertainty in yourself is not so much with its existence, but rather, how it manifests itself inside a person. At some point, it becomes necessary to cultivate a certain self-awareness about how our own insecurity can inhibit, or even inform our character. I will admit that, for a long time, I let my own instability dictate how I viewed myself. Like when I was fourteen and so concerned with the way my belly protruded past flatness, or when I was fifteen and embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t get a boyfriend like the rest of my friends, or when I was sixteen and felt that I wasn’t worldly or mature enough to speak on intelligent topics, or even today when I hear the snickers about how lame and self-righteous I am. It is incredibly easy for me, like many, to allow these thoughts to become obsessions. In fact, insecure can quickly become a defining trait. The funny thing is though, insecurity can also be a silent definer. I always thought that an insecure person could be spotted from a mile away, until I looked around and saw that insecurity can sometimes emerge in sly, even harmful ways.

My conclusion is that there are two main ways vulnerability presents itself: putting down oneself, or putting down others. For years, while I sat there letting my own insecurities eat me from the inside out, I never noticed how others I considered so confident and composed, were letting their insecurities feed on others. It’s a lion and the mouse situation; the lion is getting stronger because it knows the mouse feels small. Now, I see it frequently and clearly. It is the most insecure people who feel the need to put down others to make themselves feel validated. Neither coping mechanism is necessarily healthy, but for the mouse, the first step is stopping the lion from tearing it apart. Ultimately, showing your sensitivity is inviting others to prey on it. I cannot tell you to hide your insecurity, because I also don’t believe in suppressing our internal realities. What I am telling you is to be the bigger mouse. As you work on accepting yourself, with every perceived flaw, you also have to work on accepting those that are blind to their own self-consciousness. It is by no means a simple thing to do, but you must try to find softness for those who have not extended to you the same courage. At the end of the day, you are not only serving to eradicate your own lack of confidence, but helping someone else overcome their own in the process.

“Once you embrace your value, talents, and strengths, it neutralizes when others think less of you” -Rob Liano

Happy Living x