Take a deep breath. We are about to get deep here.

Insecurities: let’s talk about them. Whether you make them known or not, whether you even know them yourself, insecurities are something we all deal with to varying extents. They stem from the way we view ourselves, and while many tend to think of insecurities as purely a form of discontent with physical appearance, I have learned that these pockets of self-doubt have a much wider range than what is on the surface.

Recently, I have been reflecting on my own insecurities and how they have changed over the years. Some, have remained constant, always pestering me like an annoying mosquito trapped inside my bedroom on warm summer nights. Others, have come and gone… and come again. Some will take years to grind down, to finally let go and allow myself to be totally limitless. Others simply take a kind word from a trusted loved one to change my perception. It is all insecurity, just to varying degrees.

The problem with uncertainty in yourself is not so much with its existence, but rather, how it manifests itself inside a person. At some point, it becomes necessary to cultivate a certain self-awareness about how our own insecurity can inhibit, or even inform our character. I will admit that, for a long time, I let my own instability dictate how I viewed myself. Like when I was fourteen and so concerned with the way my belly protruded past flatness, or when I was fifteen and embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t get a boyfriend like the rest of my friends, or when I was sixteen and felt that I wasn’t worldly or mature enough to speak on intelligent topics, or even today when I hear the snickers about how lame and self-righteous I am. It is incredibly easy for me, like many, to allow these thoughts to become obsessions. In fact, insecure can quickly become a defining trait. The funny thing is though, insecurity can also be a silent definer. I always thought that an insecure person could be spotted from a mile away, until I looked around and saw that insecurity can sometimes emerge in sly, even harmful ways.

My conclusion is that there are two main ways vulnerability presents itself: putting down oneself, or putting down others. For years, while I sat there letting my own insecurities eat me from the inside out, I never noticed how others I considered so confident and composed, were letting their insecurities feed on others. It’s a lion and the mouse situation; the lion is getting stronger because it knows the mouse feels small. Now, I see it frequently and clearly. It is the most insecure people who feel the need to put down others to make themselves feel validated. Neither coping mechanism is necessarily healthy, but for the mouse, the first step is stopping the lion from tearing it apart. Ultimately, showing your sensitivity is inviting others to prey on it. I cannot tell you to hide your insecurity, because I also don’t believe in suppressing our internal realities. What I am telling you is to be the bigger mouse. As you work on accepting yourself, with every perceived flaw, you also have to work on accepting those that are blind to their own self-consciousness. It is by no means a simple thing to do, but you must try to find softness for those who have not extended to you the same courage. At the end of the day, you are not only serving to eradicate your own lack of confidence, but helping someone else overcome their own in the process.

“Once you embrace your value, talents, and strengths, it neutralizes when others think less of you” -Rob Liano

Happy Living x

Published by Ria Pai

Hi let me introduce myself. I was born and have lived my entire life in a beach area as a child of two amazing parents who immigrated to America from India. I love art, music and writing so I try to combine the three. I enjoy deep conversations on a number of topics from politics, to friendships, to fashion. I’m a natural perfectionist, but sometimes find this to be a bit overwhelming. I love mangos, dark chocolate and tea. I make art whenever I get the chance…painting, songwriting, dancing, and writing are all forms of art to me. Since I live in a warm area, I cannot stand any weather that is below 60 degrees Fahrenheit and always find a way to swim in anything from pools to the ocean. I have one dog, a Lhasa Apso who I am envious of because he does nothing but eat, sleep, and lay around all day. I experiment with my style. I am horrible at geography and sitting still, and it’s not uncommon to find me with paint all over my hands. I like to wear bold clothing and I always find a way to wear the same white sneakers with any outfit I can. Hi, my name is Ria, nice to meet you.

2 thoughts on “INSECURITIES

  1. Hey sweetie, thought I would Send an email this time. You are such a remarkable young lady, beautiful & bright. I thought, should I have said Bright & beautiful?? No, either way would be perfectly fine. Being an English teacher, I often ‘struggled’ with my comments to make sure I didn’t say the wrong thing, to never make any of my “kids” feel ‘bad’ about themselves. Some of my brightest Students, boys & girls, were so very sensitive and I worked hard to make sure I didn’t go near The boundaries of their inner Comfort zone. I still to this day am very conscious with my two daughters Because one is so very very sensitive, and the other is not🤗 I guess what I am trying to say my precious Ria, there is no definitive answer to this age-old Situation. We are whom we’re are and basically I pray a lot🙏 😍 And, yes even at my age I Question myself a lot 🤔 I do know my precious Ria that I am eternally grateful That I feel like a part of your amazing Pai family❣️ Thank you for that😍🙏🥰🦃

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

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